I can remember being in my first few years of ministry and learning about a trend that seemed to happen every year in almost every setting. In looking at the demographics of youth groups, they always seemed to skew young. 

This was certainly the case when it came to our high school ministry. It was as if juniors and seniors who had been incredibly involved in their younger years had decided that being a part of the youth ministry simply was no longer worth their time. In some ways this was a natural consequence of lives that were busier, friendships that had shifted, and priorities that had changed. But I started to wonder: did we, as ministry leaders, just have to accept this as a situation we had no control over? 

Or, were there things we could do to engage upperclassmen in a deeper way and lead our group to a different outcome? 

There will always be students who fade away from both our ministry and their faith, just like any other life stage of people. But, I do believe that we can focus on a few areas that have the potential to keep older teens involved in a way that will truly help them in their faith and create a different culture in our ministries.

Remember that relationships matter most. 

One of the main ways to keep upperclassmen involved in your ministry is to make sure that the relationships they have at church are strong. This “relational ministry” mindset can’t just start when they are older. It has to be embedded in the overall strategy for your ministry, and you need to intentionally do things to foster relationships.

This means making time for fostering relationships on trips, at special events, and during regular, weekly gatherings (youth group, small group, Bible studies, etc.) It also means giving up some of your “teaching” time for relational time. This may be hard to hear, but people want connection more than they want content, so make time for creating connections a priority.

Students need to have solid relationships with not just their peers, but with trusted adult leaders who will love them, listen to them, and help guide them along their journey. You don’t just need people who can teach the Bible or share life-lesson stories or monitor rule-following. You need people who love Jesus and love students and are willing to jump into the messiness of teenage life. There are likely a number of people in your church who could fill this role. But, don’t forget, they need training and encouragement along the way (they need relationships, too.)

If students can start building solid relationships in their early years of the youth ministry, they will be more likely to stay around longer because they want to be with people they trust and have a history with. I have seen group after group be incredibly engaged during their junior and senior years because they have strong relationships and they have done it together.

Make it special. 

Sometimes in ministry we shy away from doing something more or special for certain groups. On the surface, I get it. We want to treat everyone the same and not pick favorites. But there is something to be said for having something special for older students. In reality, we all get more opportunities and privileges as we get older, and I believe the same should be true at church. For years our church had a senior trip in the spring and special summer mission trips just for upperclassmen.

These opportunities, along with a few others, are things for students to look forward to as they get older. You might say that we were dangling a few carrots in front of these teens in order to keep them involved. Well, it worked. We always had great engagement and participation from our older students, in part because there was something special for them. 

Let them use their voice. 

One of the best things you can do to keep older students involved is to give them opportunities to speak into what is happening in your church and your ministry. The Ministry Architects Podcast team has a whole episode on if students aren’t leading, they’re leaving. Lots of churches create a type of student leadership team that is primarily made up of juniors and seniors. Groups like this need to be more than a token attempt to keep teenagers involved. These groups need to have real conversations and have the ability to chart the direction of the ministry.

Students love to help build curriculum, make decisions about events, and lead meetings. Letting students use their voice does not mean that all of the adults evacuate the conversations and give up their leadership role. Adults still have to steer the conversations and make the final decisions, but teenagers have the ability and the desire to give input.

Another way to let upperclassmen use their voice is through sharing their testimony and teaching their peers. Lots of teenagers have stories to tell, and we can give them the platform to do it. When we give teenagers real opportunities to do ministry, they feel like they belong and can contribute. 

Engage them on their level. 

So many juniors and seniors check out of youth ministries because they feel like they’ve “been there and done that.” This is particularly true when it comes to what we are teaching and talking about. If they have been involved in your church for any length of time at all, they have heard a lot of the stories and they likely know the basics of the faith. 

I didn’t say they were living out their faith, but they have heard a lot about how to do it. In order to keep older students interested and engaged, we have to be talking about things they are thinking about and want to talk about. Sure, there are still things we need to be teaching them but, if we’re not careful, we’ll lose them. In an effort to help them really embrace the basics of the faith, we sometimes, unintentionally, push them away because we are covering things they think they have already heard. We have to engage them at their level, talk about their felt needs, and not revert to being too basic in what we teach. Check this starter guide out if you want to create a discipleship pathway that means something.

Prioritize relationships. Make it special. Elevate voices. Engage intentionally.

If we want to have a healthy and growing youth ministry, we have to put a real emphasis on keeping the older students involved. In lots of ways, we have to make it worth their time. If they have real and deep relationships, it will be worth it to them. If there are special opportunities that they can’t get elsewhere, it will be worth it. If they can use their voice and actually contribute, it will be worth it. And, if they feel like we understand where they are coming from and talk about things that are relevant to their lives, it will be worth it. Upperclassmen will find a home where they want to be involved, they will grow in their faith, and they will help you create a healthy culture that will be sustainable for years to come.

Chris Sasser

chris.sasser@ministryarchitects.com

Chris is the Pastor of Family Ministries at Port City Community Church in Wilmington, NC. He has served in full-time ministry since 1993, working with children’s, middle school, high school, college, and parent ministries. He has a passion for equipping and encouraging parents and leaders to help the next generation walk with God. Chris shares thoughts and ideas at www.equipandencourage.com and loves to share with students, leaders, and parents. Chris is married to Karin and they have two children, CJ and Kylie. A graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill, Chris is an avid sports fan and really loves the ‘Heels!

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As I’ve been having lots of conversations, facilitating focus groups, and leading seminars, I’ve noted many common themes. The one that stands out most starkly is this:

Kids, teens, and parents are all hurting in so many ways. 

The pressure to perform, the strain of relationships, and the overall stress of life seems to be bringing people down at an increasing rate. It seems to be harder and harder for people to embrace the hope of Jesus and the belief that a life with God, while not perfect or problem free, will offer a freedom and joy that can overcome the world.

This overall feeling is well-summarized by a quote from a recent conversation I had with a high school student at my church: 

“Stress levels are enormous. I used to love school, now I stare at the clock until the bell rings. I play sports as well which means I miss some class but have to make it up later. My parents aren’t any help either. They are part of the problem. “You better watch that 93 in science. It’s getting a little too close to an A-” They don’t get it. Keeping perfect grades while playing 3 sports a year is difficult. But don’t let them see me too sad, or too stressed, or too much of any negative emotion or they’ll blame it on my phone and snatch it right up until I cry at the dinner table about it. Someone has to tell adults that we will crumble without some sort of relief.”

That last line really gets me and, in some way, has become a rallying cry for me.

“Someone has to tell adults that we will crumble without some sort of relief.”

Kids and teenagers today are crumbling. We, as adults, have to pay attention to what is going on in more ways than ever. We must be in the fight with them, equipping and encouraging them as they navigate the world. This desire to help parents and ministry leaders truly see what is happening and be proactive in the fight has led me to create a few resources that I hope will help.

In 2022, I released the book Bags: Helping Your Kids Lighten the Load. This book comes from years of watching young people pack and carry some tremendous emotional baggage. On top of that, they have no idea how to deal with it. The book identifies eight common “bags” that kids pack as they grow up. I talk about things like comparison, rejection, disappointment, and the pressure to perform. Each chapter offers practical things those parenting and doing ministry can do to help kids not pack these bags. We can give them a lighter load to carry through life.

I believe that we, as parents and ministry leaders, can have a tremendous impact on the way our kids view the world and how they learn how to be healthy along the way. 

Speaking of health, that has become an important word to me as I have thought about the state of families today. Everyone has a picture of what we think “success” looks like. I don’t know about you, but when it comes to my kids and how they turn out–

I have changed the target when it comes to success. 

For me, success no longer looks like good grades that lead to the right college or job that helps them achieve financial success. The idea that my kids need to earn awards and climb whatever ladder is in front of them, be a good citizen and live in the right social circles, is no longer important to me. (We all know people who have achieved the “American Dream” and are miserable.)

I simply want for my kids to get to their young adult years and be healthy. I want for them to be healthy emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually. If my wife and I can get our kids to their mid 20s and they are healthy in these areas, I don’t care where they work, where they live, how much money they make, or what social circles they run in. I obviously pray that they will have a real relationship with God that leads them every day. And I believe that if they do, they are much more likely to be healthy in the four areas I’ve mentioned:

– Emotional Health
– Mental Health
– Relational Health
– Spiritual Health

As adults who are raising and leading kids and teens, we can make a tremendous difference in their lives. We have the opportunity to equip and encourage them along the way, pointing them to a God who loves them and a faith that can lead them. As we lead, we have to both pay attention to what is happening to them and be proactive in what we want for them. As anyone who has worked with or raised kids and teens knows, this is a dance. Sometimes we stumble and fall, and we sometimes move into a beautiful expression of life and love.

In my opinion, it all hinges on one thing: Relationships

We have to work, not just on the mechanics of life, but on the connections we all crave. If we, as adults, focus first on the relationships we have with the kids and teens in our homes, or sphere of influence in our neighborhoods or ministries, instead of just teaching the things we think kids need to know, we will have a much better chance at actually seeing the “bags” they carry. Then, we can help them lighten the load and move towards the health they so desperately need. 

So, hang in there. Keep fighting. Focus on health, for both you and the kids and teens you love so much. Pray for their hearts. Offer encouragement. Build relationships, lead well, and trust that the seeds you are planting and watering will grow into what God wants them to be.

Additional Resources

Want more helpful resources? Check out these free downloads!

• Five Mistakes Churches Make In Family Ministry
• Whole Family Ministry Conversation Guide

Chris Sasser (a.k.a. “Sass”) is the Pastor of Family Ministries at Port City Community Church in Wilmington, NC. He has served in full-time ministry since 1993, working with children’s, middle school, high school, college, and parent ministries. He has a passion for equipping and encouraging parents and leaders to help the next generation walk with God. Chris shares thoughts and ideas at www.equipandencourage.com and loves to share with students, leaders, and parents. He is married to Karin and they have two children, CJ and Kylie. Chris is a graduate of UNC-Chapel Hill and has done some graduate work at Fuller Theological Seminary and Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary.

The post Kids Are Crumbling appeared first on Ministry Architects.

As church leaders, we often put lots of energy into planning a great fall launch for the ministries we lead. We want to create excitement and energy as people walk back into the doors of the church. And that can be great! But do we strategically embrace this season as a real opportunity to not only reel in kids and teens, but intentionally engage parents, too?  We have the opportunity to equip and encourage the whole family along their journey of life and faith. 

In addition to relaunching our children’s and youth ministries, what if we spent some time, thought, and energy into doing more? Let’s do things helpful not just to the kids and teens, but to the parents as well. What if we considered our fall through the lens of the whole family? 

As you think though how you can kick off your fall for families, consider focusing on these three keys:

1. Take time to talk to parents. 

We all know that to do effective ministry with kids and teens, it’s important to build relationships. We even call it “relational ministry.” The same is true with parents. If we are going to step into the world of helping families, we must be in relationship with them. We have to know their stories, their celebrations, their pains, and their struggles. 

Early in the fall, add these two strategic things. Firstly, schedule individual times with parents (coffee, lunch, or phone conversations). Secondly, add more formal focus groups to listen to parents. You might be surprised at how much information and relational mileage you’ll get by simply gathering a group of parents and saying, “As the church, we want to partner with you as you raise your kids in the faith. What could that look like?”

2. Offer practical help for felt needs to families in your ministry. 

As you spend time with parents, you’ll learn about their pain points. So, are they struggling with navigating screen time and social media? Has their teen started to vape and they have no idea how to handle it? Is their child struggling with friendships and becoming more isolated? Are their children walking away from faith and moving away from the church? Are their kids and teens asking tough questions about their identity? 

When you hear about these issues, strategically offer spaces for parents that provide:

• Opportunities to talk with other parents.
• Education on topics and applicable ideas for what to do in their home.
• Encouragement to hang in there.

These don’t have to be elaborate events with food, décor, and a complicated program. For example, a simple seminar with a trusted leader will go a long way towards helping parents feel like their church is “with them” in their struggle. 

3. Create moments at church for the family ministry. 

As individual programs crank back up and we step back into the tendency to silo kids, teens, and adults, look for opportunities to bring the whole family together. Again, don’t feel the pressure to have to plan big events.

Instead, look for ways to bring everyone together in the normal rhythm of your church:

• Could Sunday school classes gather for 15 minutes of coffee, juice, and donuts all together instead of in their individual rooms? 
• Could you invite parents to the first half of youth group, let them see some of the “controlled chaos” and then offer snacks and prayer for them? 
• Could one Sunday service be for the whole family, suspending all classes for that day?

Brainstorm ways that bring together all life stages, fit your context, and intentionally support moments when the family can be all together. 

One of the things I have started to say recently is this: Family ministry matters!

It matters because our families matter, no matter what they look like. It matters because kids and teens are formed and shaped most in the context of family. It matters because we are all a part of God’s family, the church, and we all have both the opportunity and the responsibility to care for the family.

As you prepare to step into the fall and a new season of ministry, think about how you can not only minister to kids and teens, but really minister to the whole family.

Interested in reading more about family ministry? Then check out Family Ministry Matters!

The post Three Keys to a Fantastic “Family Ministry Fall” appeared first on Ministry Architects.

Over the last ten years or so, I have come to believe that the best way to really help these kids, teens, and young adults is to focus more on those who have the greatest influence on them:

Their parents and leaders.

Don’t get me wrong, what we do directly for kids and teens in our churches really matters. My two children have greatly benefited from those people and programs that have fostered their faith over the years. I also know that many of us put a real emphasis on equipping and training teachers and leaders. We should. 

But I wonder if, as we think about “family ministry,” we sometimes miss the boat. So, what should this endeavor look like? I’ve been working on a few projects over the past several years. And I have come to believe that what we really need is a whole family ministry. In most contexts, we think we have a family ministry. We put kids and teen programs under the same umbrella. We hope they play nice when it comes to money and facilities. And finally, we communicate about all we are doing for them at church. We can sometimes call it a ministry to the next generation. I’ve started calling it “Family Ministry 1.0″. If I’m honest though, I’m not sure that’s really a ministry for the whole family. 

Most of us got into this kind of work because we love working with kids and teens. Although it has its share of challenges, it can be a lot of fun. We know that working with adults and parents is necessary, but it often doesn’t make our heart sing.

We may need to sacrifice some of our desire to work directly with kids and teens. In return, we may just get the impact with kids and teens that we so desperately want. 

Put another way, if we want a ministry for the whole family with long-term impact, what we need is:

• A solid ministry for children where we introduce them to the basics of faith. We help them build a strong foundation on Jesus. 
• A dynamic and engaging ministry for teens that helps them internalize their faith and make it their own. Somewhere they can learn how to live for Jesus every day.
• A practical and helpful ministry for parents where we help them embrace their role as spiritual leaders. We can offer real encouragement and resources. 

That’s a whole family ministry. It not only focuses on the kids which, if we’re honest, often come to us. It also puts real thought, time, energy, and resources into the parents and leaders who are called to lead these kids. I often hear parents say that they have lost hope and have no idea how to guide their kids. I often hear leaders say they feel ill-equipped to answer the tough questions that come their way, and they fear steering young people in the wrong direction. If the key adults in their lives don’t feel confident and equipped to lead, these kids will have little to no chance at coming out on the other side of their adolescent journey with a healthy sense of self and a solid faith in Christ. If these same key adults do feel equipped, hopeful, and ready, the kids and teens will no doubt have a better chance to succeed. I feel like our job is to equip and encourage those who are leading these kids, teens, and young adults.

Ephesians 4:11-12 tells us, “So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.”

That’s our job. Not only do we need to minister to the kids and teens who are in our midst, we need to do everything we can to make sure we are investing in and equipping the teachers and leaders who influence these kids at church. Find people who have authentic faith and can build relationships with kids and teens. Train these people and help them be prepared for the issues and questions that will come their way.

But – we REALLY need to do everything we can to equip and encourage the parents who influence these kids at home. We need to build a real ministry to parents that is relevant, helpful, hopeful, and proactive in providing parents with what they need to lead their kids in life and faith. Building this kind of ministry matters!

It matters because…

• Our kids matter, and they need help.

• The world is changing fast, and we need to keep up.

• Parents and leaders often get discouraged and don’t know what we are doing.

• It’s what God has called us to do.

As you continue to evaluate how you might better step into the specific ministry God has called you to, think about how you can be a part of building a ministry that isn’t for the family in name only, but a ministry that targets the whole family and truly helps them step into the vision God has for them. I know you might be overwhelmed with all that you currently have to do, and you likely don’t have the bandwidth to add something else. You should know that there are churches and ministries who are working hard to figure this out and step into a ministry that is truly for the whole family. You should also know that you can do it, too.

To talk more about Family Ministry, email Chris or connect with an experienced ministry coach today!

Questions to Ponder: 

• Are the leaders under my care trained and ready to shepherd the kids and teens who come their way? 

• How can I insure the parents in my sphere are hopeful and equipped to lead the kids God has given them?

• What things do I need to delegate or let go of in order to give energy towards truly equipping and encouraging leaders and parents in my context?

• What is my next step?

The post Family Ministry Matters! appeared first on Ministry Architects.

Over the last several years I have become more convinced than ever that health is one of the key things that we must strive for in ministry. Too often we can build things that look good on the surface but are really dying inside. We allow relational and organizational unhealthiness to derail the things we are trying to do. No doubt, God can work in our churches and our ministries despite us and our sin, but we have a role to play when it comes to our health. Instead of dealing with unhealthy people and systems, we frequently look away or ignore the very things that may be holding us back. My friend had skillfully dealt with a staffer who had been causing some of the issues. Once that person moved out of the organization everything changed. There was a levity around the team that had been missing for years. There were honest and open conversations that started to happen and everyone felt the relief. My friend acknowledged that he had been carrying a weight for so long and he didn’t even know it. Once things truly became healthy, everything changed.

Here are a few areas where we should strive for health:

Strive for Relational Health – Work hard to maintain real, authentic relationships with those you serve with. This doesn’t mean that you’ll always agree, but you should always be able to talk honestly and openly about what’s going on in the ministry.

Strive for Organizational Health – Let’s be honest, sometimes we have the wrong people in the wrong places “on the bus” or in the ministry. When a machine is trying to work with the wrong pieces in place, things are going to break. With both people and process, work hard to have a healthy organization.

Strive for Programmatic Health – Sometimes we allow our programs to remain unhealthy simply because it’s “the way we’ve always done it” or it’s easy for us. We need to be constantly evaluating our programs to ensure that we are giving our ministry the best chance to reach those kids, students and parents who desperately need help.

Health is hard. Health takes work. But I promise you, if you strive to lead and work in a healthy environment and organization, you can accomplish so much more than you ever thought you could.

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Several years ago I made the shift. I had always kind of enjoyed experimenting in the yard with different plant combinations, colors, and layouts. I would be lured in by the big bloomers at the big box stores and I would often come home from a trip to get some nails with a plethora of plants. I really didn’t know what I was doing.

Somewhere in my infatuation I started thinking about what I was doing. I started studying the plants and what they needed. Which ones liked the shade and which liked the sun? Who needed water and who didn’t? I made the shift from being a casual plant planter to a real gardener. Now I’m no master gardener, but I can grow a big batch of snow peas, lots of tomatoes, and dahlias like you wouldn’t believe. I get it all going in early spring by starting seeds in my greenhouse. I carefully place the plants at just the right time. I give them the fertilizer they need and mix and match the right combos in my raised beds. And then I wait.

Most seasons there is a great harvest to be reaped. I can’t tell you how many salads I’ve eaten with homegrown lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers and onions. Don’t forget the bunches of basil we use most every day. But, there is another reality to this gardening that I do. It’s the weeds. They are ALWAYS growing! I’ve learned that if I’m going to have healthy, happy plants I have to pay attention to the weeds and I have to get rid of them. There’s just no way around it.

There has been many a day when I have been picking weeds and thinking about my ministry. I’ve been planning and praying and thinking and evaluating. And recently I realized that my ministry is a lot like my gardening. The weeds are always growing!

In ministry we deal with people, and if you haven’t noticed lately, people are sinful. Just look in the mirror to remember that. Sinful people, no matter how healthy they are, often produce weeds. These weeds come in many forms: criticism, pride, greed, selfishness.  Sound familiar? Weeds are growing in relationships all the time, and if we don’t pick them they’ll take over. They will steal the very nutrients out of the soil and render the plant helpless to grow and thrive. Weeds must be dealt with.

When it comes to our systems and structures in ministry, the weeds can grow there, too.  We get slack in making sure we have a good welcome team in place. Our yearly calendar becomes a six-month calendar. We forget to recruit the volunteers we need for the next season of ministry. Our systems and structures get covered with the overgrown weeds of the urgent. When this happens we often don’t even see it or worse, we see these weeds and we ignore them all together. Structures with weeds growing all over them become old, weak, unattractive and ultimately ineffective.

Want to attend to the “weeds,” but can’t find the time?
Download this free, step-by-step Balcony Time resource today.

So, is it time for you to pay attention to the weeds? Are they growing in your ministry? Are they growing in your heart? I’ve learned that weeds are both easy and hard to pick. It takes time, effort, resolve, and courage. They can be prickly and painful. They compete for the good stuff. But I promise you, once you pick those weeds and give the plants the space and environment they need to grow, you won’t believe the yield you get from your labor!

“Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

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